I want you with me, in these arms for all eternity

Monday, February 26, 2007 5:30 PM

woohoo ~~ chelsea won 2-1 against arsenal ~!

♥ michael ballack ♥

: )

Thursday, February 22, 2007 9:10 AM

sunday:

bro came back on sat. by ard 4plus in the afternoon, the steamboat was ready. kinda ate alot.. cos we juz kept on putting the ingredients inside to cook. hee. in the end, there were still much being left over. by then, during the night.. only my dad & i was left to go for the second round. oh ya, mayb becos the crowd was getting too big at the cold storage, the staff didn't even bother to check my age when i bought the beer : )

monday:

damn sad sia. only went to visit one relative's house. well, for some reasons that i had mentioned previously ( why so few ) . den my dad & i went to watch just follow law. quite a funny movie. i think i also laughed the loudest in the theatre. gotta watch it : ) however, by this day.. it was getting more & more boring. cos the shops haven't been opened yet.. so there's nowhere else to go.

tue:

it was bro's bdae. managed to get him a pair of boxers. lol. first time buying such a present. sua ku rite. den sis treated him to pizza. but then, bro ordered 2 large pizzas. *faints* cos only 5 ppl eating. but nvm, there's always me ard to finish it.. haha. before that, one of bro's friend ordered a cake that was like.. weighing 3kg.. in about 2 layers and costing about $100 plus. seriously, i got a shock when bro opened the box. it was.. HUGE. and bro.. being the vainpot.. asking me to help him capture pics in whatever pose he can think of. cutting the cake, holding up the box.. blowing the candles etc. *faints again* in the end, even after some of us ate twice.. there was still alot of cake being left over. at night, dad had to give some of it away.. and we both have it for breakfast the next morning.

wed:

went to sent bro off to finland. that lucky chap.. *humph*. but then again, it's not all play.. and no study lar. he told me he got exams straight after he's coming back at ard mid-april. and i think my psycho-ing skills worked on him. while waiting for dad, we sat at the seats near the foreign exchange counter.. and i started "chanting" to him abt how i only managed to travel to one country, while he travelled to more than 5.. and me sitting only on a plane once etc. so i went on and on.. ( ok lar.. i was being jealous here ) until he told me when he had made enough $.. he will bring me to taiwan the next time. wheee ~ at abt 9plus in the night, bro entered the departure gate.. *sob* and my dad & i went back home. hope bro will call back soon.. : )

Friday, February 16, 2007 2:03 PM

got over the result thing already. and on sat.. it is the chinese new year's eve. but how should i put it? happy that it's the day where i can get hongbaos? or angry / pissed / sad / irritated 'cos i have to tahan some of my relatives' endless of naggings & talkings. zz. well, now.. it's my own problem.. and i will settle it myself. i didn't enrol in ite. cos i have decided to retake my maths & sci as a private candidate.

argh. too bad i HAD TO visit my godmother's house on chinese new year. partly becos.. i wished to avoid the topic of you-know-what-it-is. and if i don't go, mum would probably start to complain.. etc. besides, there ain't many houses to visit either.

still remember two years ago.. after me & my bro and sis got the hongbaos.. we went to kbox & partyworld for each day respectively : ) it's my first time singing in there. how i wished we can do it again.. =D

nevertheless, i'm looking forward to the steamboat. wheee ~ bro's coming back with the equipments.. and i gonna help to prepare the ingredients. and this means.. lots of FOOD! i gonna finish all of it ~ hee.. =X

Monday, February 12, 2007 12:41 PM

i wasn't being too dramatic on fri. it's for real. i can hardly control my emotions on that day. things didn't turn out like the way i wanted it to be. when i saw the results, tears rolled down my cheeks immediately. my form teacher had to console me for like.. a few mins. cos i just sat there staring blankly at the slip. when i came out of the hall, i really cried like nobody business. outsiders may find this a no-big-deal thing, and i don't need to weep so much. but deep down, they didn't realise the real reason. yes, as what my bro had mentioned in his blog.. i was facing pressure. pressure from my parents ( particularly my mum ) , relatives ( fucking can't stand it ) , uncle etc. i shan't talk much abt that. anyway, as i said.. mainly because my bro & sis attended jc and poly respectively.. and i ( being the youngest ) naturally was expected to do as well as them. i had admitted before, i ain't the type of person who will study. i think it was until recently that i realised.. i forced myself to study, so that i could enter a poly and with the diploma upon graduation.. i can find a stable job & support my parents.

i'm not trying to put the blame on anyone. i knew i didn't put in alot of effort during the revision before my exams. but still, i was expecting to get at least a C6 for my maths & sci. even as i entered sec1, i had already been told to study hard.. and be as good as my elder siblings. i need not score high for all subjects, but so long i passed every of it.. it's sufficient. nevertheless, i was still under alot of stress. i tried to study as much as i can & score well for my major exams. ppl kept reminding how lazy i was.. not willing to revise more.. and always playing instead of concentrating on studies / doing homework.

sometimes i wonder, why can't i just get away from this study thing? frankly speaking, i really can't stand it. pressure & stress were the things that can make me go bonkers. i cried many times. i kept thinking, am i suffering from depression? cos occasionally, i found myself having a severe breakdown. am i a failure? over the years that i had studied, i didn't achieved great results. still, as i get promoted ( with the borderline marks ) .. i felt a sense of accomplishment. many times, my friends had given me endless of encouragement.. telling me that it's not the end of the world.. it's useless crying over spilled milk.. there's still a long way to go etc. thanks guys. i really appreciate those words. somehow, it had enlightened me.

right now, i'm still trying to face the reality. i can't avoid 'em. whisperings would still be there.. why i didn't study hard.. a waste of money now that u've failed etc. on fri.. after a round of crying in sch, i was actually feeling much better. however, at home.. due to some fucking conversation between my mum & auntie.. i cried again. now i'm really pissed. i know my godparents paid for the sch fees.. and im obliged to study real hard, so as not to disappoint them. but fuck, do u have to say out those threatening words? i'm telling u, pls do not wait until i die den u realise that so long i put in my effort, it's okay. by then, it would really be too late. the loss of me may be enuff for u to know that.. i did try my best. and u think i want to fail my exams? you.. plus the relatives.. only cared about whether i pass or not. over the years, whenever i failed any of the major exams.. u guys only know how to scold & lecture me. seriously, i did not hear even a word of encouragement.. telling me "never mind, it's alright. try harder next time". that's part of the reason i felt kinda discouraged. i wish i wasn't born into this family. why does this have to happen to me? do u think u're the only person who will feel angry abt it? what abt me? i was the one taking the exams.. and seeing the results, do u think i won't be upset or anything? do u know how it feels to see ur hopes being dashed? now, it's back to square one. and yes, i do wish that, u could console me if i fared badly in my exams. but did u? no. not at all. even if i did study & put in the effort.. are u gg to notice it? no again. because.. sometimes u would just say "only when i'm here, then u will study. who knows when i'm not around.. u would still study?" those words are hurting. cos it made me realised that, no matter how much i have studied.. u would still care only abt i can pass or not. and if i fail, u would tell the other relatives.. and again, they will add salt & vinegar.. making a big fuss abt it. i know you wanted me to get a job that paid well.. so that i need not suffer. but sometimes, the way u're telling me is wrong. i can see it. pls do not push me over the edge. cos that's when.. if i can't take it anymore.. i would really say goodbye to this world. and u do not cry over my death. all this had never been changed. do u even realise how much this is adding.. onto my burden? now that i'm the only one still pursuing my studies.. i had to face pressure from u all.. the fear of scoring badly.. cramming time to study.. and tolerating the things that all of u are saying. really.. maybe it's just a few more steps.. before i'm gg to decide.. to end all of this. i'm tired.. i don't know how long i can withstand it. sucidal thoughts? yes, i have. i'm not afraid to admit. but it's just some of my loved ones that i can't bear to leave. dad, friends, my siblings & not wanting to disappoint my late grandparents. now that things had turned out in this way, it was them who had given me the strength to carry on..

right now, i'm still deciding.. to retake those 2 subjects or not. if i passed well, i can go to a poly next yr. but this means.. having to study again.

thanks guys..
if it wasn't for u all,
i probably would not be here.
now,
i would try my best again.
this time,
i would give it my best shot.
and hopefully,
it would turn out well.
=)

love you, people.

i wanna thank the following people who offered me advice.. and really consoling me continuously. if u aren't listed inside, im real sorry.. my memory ain't that good =x

bro, sis, miss khalidal, lihui, miss sazryna, hong xia, ng weiting, tan weiting, prem, larry

Friday, February 02, 2007 3:16 PM

bought 3 t-shirts from bossini at bugis village ytd : ) this wk.. i had already watched thrice of the comedy movie little man.. bought the dvd from the play! kiosk at sengkang ( it's the same quality as the usual dvd.. and it's A LOT MORE CHEAPER ) . it was hilarious.. as the guys ( yes, the same ppl who acted in white chicks ) paired up once again to bring us yet another round of laughter. and esp when one of them disguised himself as a baby, in order to get back the diamond which he dropped.. while diverting the police officer's attention. still, there's some touching scenes.. such as the bdae celebration and when the truth is out ( the baby's actually the thief ) .. he had to leave. so.. gotta watch this film, it's very nice :D

ok, so here's the gross part. lol. came across this clip while exloring the others at youtube. it's damn disgusting. so.. definitely not for the faint-hearted. and another thing to take note, please do not watch this while eating. if u puke in the midst of watching, do not put the blame on me =X ( cos i had already warned u before! ) if u ask me why i posted this, well.. i don't know either. lol. OR.. partly becos i loved to watch gross films ( with blood oozing out.. ppl slash here & there.. can see the flesh etc )

so.. here it is ( THE LINK )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hljf0aKXDV0

a simple reason why i DO NOT want to post the video in here - cos i DO NOT want to be reminded of the scene everytime i look at my own entries in the blog ( once i had posted, i would definitely want to press the play button & watch )

alternatively, u can search this --> joe damato <-- in the box at youtube for more clips.

"happy" watching guys ~